Fallout Boy picked up to a very unctuous Fat Cat. Fallout Boy calmly assured him that most Indonesian devil cats grimace before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually surreptitiously grimace *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Fat Cat.  Why was Fallout Boy trying to distract Fat Cat?  Because she had snuck out from Fat Cat’s with the Sex only ten days prior.  It was a exotic little Sex… how could she resist?

   It didn’t take long before Fat Cat got back to the subject at hand: his Sex. Fallout Boy belched. Relunctantly, Fallout Boy invited him over, assuring him they’d find the Sex. Fat Cat grabbed his canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fallout Boy realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Sex and she had to do it fearlessly. She figured that if Fat Cat took the tricycle, she had take at least seven minutes before Fat Cat would get there.  But if he took the Bat mobile?  Then Fallout Boy would be barely screwed.

   Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fallout Boy was interrupted by eight funny-smelling Care Bears that were lured by her Sex. Fallout Boy yawned; ‘Not again’, she thought. Feeling displeased, she randomly reached for her ninja star and deftly deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent–the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief.  That’s when she heard the Bat mobile rolling up.  It was Fat Cat.

—-o0o—-

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late.  With a deft leap, Fat Cat was out of the Bat mobile and went wildly jaunting toward Fallout Boy’s front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Fallout Boy was panicking.  Not thinking, she tossed the Sex into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind her refrigerator. Fallout Boy was angered but at least the Sex was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   ‘Come in,’ Fallout Boy sassily purred.  With a apt push, Fat Cat opened the door.  ‘Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying self-righteous ass in a amphibious vehicle,’ he lied.  ‘It’s fine,’ Fallout Boy assured him. Fat Cat took a seat ridiculously far from where Fallout Boy had hidden the Sex. Fallout Boy cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness.  ‘Uhh, can I get you anything?’ she blurted.  But Fat Cat was distracted. A few freaknasty minutes later, Fallout Boy noticed a selfish look on Fat Cat’s face. Fat Cat slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   ‘…What’s that smell?’

   Fallout Boy felt a stabbing pain in her armpit when Fat Cat asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Sex right by her oscillating fan. ‘Wh-what?  I don’t smell anything..!’  A lie.  A funny-smelling look started to form on Fat Cat’s face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. ‘Th-th-those are just my grandma’s ripened avocados from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys.  She, uh…dropped ‘em by here earlier’. Fat Cat nodded with fake acknowledgement…then, before Fallout Boy could react, Fat Cat randomly lunged toward the box and opened it.  The Sex was plainly in view.

   Fat Cat stared at Fallout Boy for what what must’ve been three days. A few freaknasty minutes later, Fallout Boy groped wildly in Fat Cat’s direction, clearly desperate. Fat Cat grabbed the Sex and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Fallout Boy let out a enchanting chuckle. ‘If only you hadn’t been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Fat Cat,’ she rebuked. Fallout Boy always had been a little oafish, so Fat Cat knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Fallout Boy did something crazy, like… start chucking dull pencils at her or something. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he gripped his Sex tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Fallout Boy looked on, blankly. ‘What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.’ Silence from Fat Cat. ‘And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago…it never ends!’ Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Fat Cat. ‘Oh.  You ..okay?’ Still silence. Fallout Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Fat Cat was gone.

   Just yonder, Fat Cat was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Fallout Boy’s place. Fat Cat had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Sex.  One by one they latched on to Fat Cat.  Already weakened from his injury, Fat Cat yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his Sex.

   But then God came down with His easygoing smile and restored Fat Cat’s Sex. Feeling angered, God smote the Care Bears for their injustice.  Then He got in His spaceship and sped away with the fortitude of  550,000 venomous koalas running from a huge pack of South American hissing sloths. Fat Cat stumbled with joy when he saw this. His Sex was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eleven minutes his favorite TV show,  1 girls 3 gays, was going to come on (followed immediately by ‘When 3-legged wallabies meet hand grenade’). Fat Cat was relieved. And so, everyone except Fallout Boy and a few gun-toting venomous koalas lived blissfully happy, forever after.

500g           Old hen
Few slides   Solomonseal (Yu Zhu)
30 pieces    Peppercorns
3 – 5           Mushrooms
Some          Salt

Methods
1.   Cut the old hen into pieces. Rinse the solomonseal until clean, Soak the mushrooms into water until soft and cut it in to stripe.
2.   Using the back of a knife, flatten the peppercorns, set aside.
3.   Boil half pot of water, add in the old hen, solomonseal, mushrooms,  salt and peppercorns. Cook with low heat for 1 hour.
4.   Serve it hot.

Image via Wikipedia

Image via Wikipedia

     Although most of the time we use vanilla extract for baking our favorite desserts, it can be used in another way.  Most households have a bottle of vanilla extract setting around for months, and sometimes years without ever being touched.  A bottle of vanilla extract lasts forever if there isn’t someone in the home who loves to bake.  Have you ever tried using vanilla extract while making a pitcher of tea?  A teaspoon or two of Vanilla Extract added to tea gives tea a wonderful flavor.  The next time you’re entertaining a dinner party at your home, try making some vanilla tea, your guest will love it!  Vanilla extract isn’t wine, so there isn’t any need to let it age-go ahead, try it in tea.

Enjoy!

Out of curiosity, I once took the book with me on a trip I made to France; half-hoping to find one of the restaurants he had so had highly recommend fifty-five years ago, would still be preparing the mouth watering food he had so beautifully described. I should have known better. The Hostellerie de l’Abbaye, outside Lyon, had degenerated into a shabby looking pension – its once elegant restaurant now a grubby kebab shop. Rather than risk further disillusionment, for the rest of my trip Bouqet de France remained in the back of the car.
Feuillete du Chef is just one of one of the many original recipes from that book.

Feuillete de Chef – chef’s pastry

Roll out puff pastry 1/8 inch thick, 8 inches wide, and the length of a baking sheet. Moisten the edges with a pastry brush dipped in water. Cover all but the moistened edges with a layer of thinly sliced cooked ham, then a layer of grated Swiss or  Parmesan cheese, and another layer of ham. Cover with a second sheet of paste about ¼ inch thick and press the edges of the paste together to seal them. Brush with beaten egg and decorate with small cut-outs of paste in the shape of leaves. Bake in a moderately hot oven (375⁰ F) for 50 to 60 minutes.

These delicious treats come in a many sizes, shapes and flavours, however they all consist of a common base: pastry covered with sour jam then a layer of toffee or chocolate and finally toppings like nuts, almonds, berries, etc.

Pastry recipe

Mazurek base is a buttery dough:

Ingredients

• egg yolks, 5
• baking powder, 16g
• double cream, half a small pot
• self raising flour, half a kilo
• butter, 250g
• sugar, half a glass

Instructions

1. Mix eggs and sugar together until smooth
2. Add all the remaining ingredients
3. Using a rolling pin flatten the dough quite thinly
4. Cut into small rectangular pieces (or alternatively you can make larger “cakes”)
5. Optionally for an added effect you can curl the edges inside
6. Bake at 200C until golden brown

Pastry Filling

Once you take the pastry out of the oven you want to smear each piece with a sour jam, like for example raspberry jam, to add a bit of moisture. The sourness will disappear under the other sweet tastes added later. You could just as well use a sweet jam, however the sweetness could be slightly overwhelming in the end result. Before adding the second layer let the jam dry up first.

Next you can smear chocolate, toffee, peanut-butter, etc. If needed let it cool down and dry up a bit before proceeding.

Mazurek Toppings

Lastly the finishing toppings. Here is a list of ingredients you could use for the last layer:

• peanuts (crushed or chopped)
• walnuts (whole, crushed, or chopped)
• hazelnuts (chopped)
• almonds (chopped, sliced, or flakes)
• raisins
• berries (whole or chopped)
• rice-crispies

You can mix & match these, and even create little “pictures” playing with different ingredient colours. Often as they are an Easter treat they would have some sort of colourful egg or bunny shapes.

As an extra finishing touch you can also use a bit of icing or chocolate sauce (for “icing”) to draw lines.

Mazure Examples

Almonds with chocolate and sugar icing.

Nuts, rice-crispies and sugar icing.

Berries, sugar & chocolate icing.

• crust
• 5 ounces animal crackers
• 3 tablespoons packed brown sugar (light or dark)
• Pinch salt
• 4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted and cooled slightly filling
• 2 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
• 1 tablespoon grated lime zest, minced
• Pinch salt
• 1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
• 1 egg yolk
• 1/2 cup fresh lime juice, from about 20 Key limes or about 3 Persian limes garnish (optional)
• 3/4 cup sweetened shredded coconut, toasted until golden and crisp

Step 1

Adjust an oven rack to the middle position and heat the oven to 325 degrees. Cut about a 12-inch length of extra-wide heavy-duty foil; fold the cut edges back to form a 71/2-inch width. With the folded sides facing down, fit the foil securely into the bottom and up the sides of an 8-inch-square baking pan, allowing the excess to overhang the pan sides. Spray the foil with non stick cooking spray.

Ingredients for 4 persons:

-6 oz flour

-1 egg

-½ oz yeast

-1 tablespoon salt

-½ cup of sugar

Step  1 : 

Take the egg and separate the egg yolk from the egg white. Put the egg yolk together with the flour, sugar, yeast and milk in a bowl and stir it with a wooden spoon until you get thick pancake moisture.  Add some salt to it.

Step 2:

In a medium sized bowl beat the egg white with an electric mixer on medium to high speed for 4 minutes, and then add it to the pancake moisture. Stir it well. Leave the bowl in a lukewarm place, covered with a kitchen cloth to rest for about an hour.

Step 3:

On a lightly floured surface, roll dough to a ½ -inch thickness. Take a medium sized glass (whisky glass) and cut round shapes dipping glass into flour between cuts. Reroll as necessary.

Step 4:

Fry the round doughnuts in a pan with preheated oil for 1-2 min. flip the doughnuts with a fork when they’re golden in color and fry the other side too. When the doughnuts are ready put them on a paper towel in order to drain the oil from them.

Traditional Hungarian doughnuts are delicious with peach jam and spiced sugar.

This delicious recipe for baklava has and amazing taste. The sweet and flaky filo pastry, melts in your mouth and reveals the rich meaty taste of walnuts. And the flavorful lemon and cinnamon sauce is the perfect compliment to the sweet taste of this baklava pastry. This baklava recipe, will takes a few hours to prepare and cook but the taste is well worth the time.

Ingredients

• 4oz Butter (Melted)
• 1lb Walnuts (Finely Chopped)
• 2oz Caster Sugar
• Pinch of Cinnamon (Ground)
• 10oz Filo Pastry

Ingredients For the Syrup

• Juice of 1 Lemon
• 5oz Sugar
• 1⁄2 Teaspoon Cinnamon (Ground)

Preparation

Start by preheating the oven to 350°F and lightly greasing a 10in cake tin. Next mix the walnuts, sugar and cinnamon in a bowl. Next unfold the filo pastry, and cover with a damp tea towel to prevent it drying out.

Brush a piece of the filo with melted butter, and fit it into the bottom of the tin with the buttered side down. Let the edges spill over and brush with butter. Repeat with three more buttered filo sheets, making sure that the whole tin is lined.

Next sprinkle with half of the nut mixture and repeat with four more layers of buttered filo, then scatter the remaining nut mixture over them and put two more layers of buttered filo on top, then fold the edges in and under.

Cut the last two pieces of filo so they that fit in the tin, place on top and brush generously with butter. Bake for 40 minutes, then increase the temperature to 400°F and bake for a further 20 minutes or until golden brown.

To make the syrup, gently heat the lemon juice, sugar and cinnamon until the sugar has dissolved and the syrup has reduced slightly. Pour over the cooked baklava, and leave to cool in the tin for 1-2 hours. Cut into wedges and serve.

This amazing home made sticky plum tart, has a mouth watering taste. It uses a delectable combination of flavors, that are sweet and fruity. The sticky apricot sauce, tastes simply incredible. This delightful dessert recipe, is really easy to prepare and will take about two hours to cook.

Ingredients

• 4oz Plain Flour
• 1 Teaspoon Ground Cinnamon
• Pinch of Salt 3oz Butter
• 1 Egg Yolk
• 1 Tablespoon Chilled Water
• 1lb Plums (Halved and Diced)
• 1oz Caster Sugar
• 3 Tablespoons Apricot Jam

Method

Sift the flour into a blender or food processor, add the ground cinnamon, salt, butter and egg yolk. Process for 30 seconds or until evenly combined. Add the chilled water and process for a further 30 seconds. Knead the mixture together lightly, and roll out into a circle about 10in in diameter. Put on a baking tray and chill for about 10–15 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 400°F. Use a fork and prick the pastry an overall. Then bake for 20–25 minutes or until golden brown. Arrange the plums over the cooked pastry, and sprinkle with the sugar. Put back in the oven for 40–45 minutes until the plums are tender. To finish, melt the jam in a small saucepan with two tablespoons water, bring to a boil and heat, for about one minute. Brush or spoon the jam sauce on top of the tart and serve.