An unusual twist on a favorite dish. It is strongly recommended that you read through the entire recipe before purchasing any ingredients.

Ingredients:

1 8oz jar of pickled herring (I know this sounds odd, but bear with me here)
Cooking spray
Southern Grits (see below)
1 Cup Basil-Tomato Sauce (see below)

One 5″ x 9″ dried fruitcake (preferably aged, e.g., a gift from last year that’s still in your pantry)

Southern Grits

1 tsp. dry mustard
1/2 tsp. paprika
8 C water
1 Tsp. garlic powder
2 C uncooked regular grits
1 C shredded sharp cheddar cheese
8 tsps. butter

Basil-Tomato Sauce

2 tsps. olive oil
1 cup diced Vidalia onion
2 cups diced red bell pepper
2 tbs. chopped fresh basil
2 cups chopped peeled tomato
1 cup dry white wine
4 garlic cloves, minced

Tabasco Sauce

Directions:

First, read through the entire recipe before attempting. If you fail to do so, and you get near the end and think, “Oh no,” don’t come running to me for sympathy.

Second, read through the entire recipe again before attempting.

(Prepare Southern Grits):

1. Bring first four ingredients to a boil. Stir in grits; cover, reduce heat, and simmer 40 minutes, stirring occasionally. Stir in cheese and butter. Add 4-8 drops of Tabasco Sauce, per taste.

(Prepare Basil-Tomato Sauce):

2. Heat oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add onion; saute 3 minutes. Add bell pepper and basil; saute 2 more minutes. Stir in tomato, wine, and garlic. Bring to a boil. Add 4 drops of Tabasco Sauce. Reduce heat and simmer 30 minutes.

3. Pour grits into large disposable (e.g., aluminum) pan or into equal portions in 6-8 disposable bowls. It is important to use disposable products. Do not use a serving dish or dishes that you value. Especially do not use your wedding china unless you’re trying to prove a point and this is the last Christmas that you plan on spending with your significant other.

Carefully place the pickled herring on top of the grits, using a festive pattern. I like using one serving tray so that I can place the herring in the shape of a Christmas tree. Be creative here. I had an uncle once who made this very same dish, using extra jars of pickled herring so that he could lay out the herring in a shape that looked like Santa Claus on his sleigh being pulled by 8 reindeer. Of course, he had gone “over the edge” at that point, and for the remaining years of his life he believed that he was Santa’s Main Elf.

Delicately spoon the basil-tomato sauce on top of the pickled herring. If you’re feeling artistic, get one of those pastry pipe bags and dispense the sauce in a thin stream, outlining the herring. This makes for a dramatic effect.

Carefully carry the tray (or individual bowls) over to the garbage and throw the whole thing out. Then go get the fruit cake and throw it out too. This is a great way to use up and get rid of unwanted grits, pickled herring, and last year’s fruitcake from Aunt Ruth.

Call everyone down for breakfast.

Serve cereal (with milk if you’re feeling creative, energetic, and generous) for breakfast.