Christmas dinner this year was a grand affair. I can’t be doing with what is expected of me by those who pass decrees about such events, so I purposely go in a different direction and come up with what I generally consider to be a handsome repast.

This year I outshone all my other efforts and feel obliged to share the details.

To do Christmas my way you need to go out and buy a leg of lamb – one that will fit into your oven. When the day in question arrives try to brown as much of the beast as you can in a big, big pan, in hot olive oil, then leave it to the side to rest and recuperate for about half an hour.

While the lamb relaxes make a paste by first pulverizing a fistful of anchovies (I can’t really be bothered with exact measurements so you’ll need to guess the size of my fists). Add to that a clove or two of crushed garlic, a dose of fresh rosemary and some white wine vinegar, salt and black pepper, remembering that anchovies are already quite salty.

Back to the meat now. Lacerate it all over with deep cuts (it’s already dead so it won’t feel a thing), and into the cavities stuff the paste, and rub what’s left all over the leg. The paste tastes so good that you might be tempted to just eat it straight or pour it over yourself, but show some restraint and also some respect for the meat.

Stick the whole thing into a hot oven for fifteen minutes then lower the heat a bit and leave it there for a couple of hours depending on it’s size and on how well done you like your lamb.

Throw the juices that squirt from the lamb over the joint from time to time to help keep the meat moist, and when you judge it to be adequately roasted, leave the lamb to the side to rest yet again (nothing worse than tired lamb). While it rests pour a few glasses of red wine into the roasting tin to loosen all the gunk that has seeped out during the cooking. Pour the lot into a saucepan and reduce to serve as gravy.

Bring the whole thing round to my place. I’ll have the roast potatoes, carrots and parsnips ready, and I’ll also make a blue cheese sauce to go with the broccoli – honestly, it really works.

Remind Juliette Binoche that she’s to bring the wine and I’ll get Leonard Cohen to bring his guitar just in case we accidentally catch the mood of the season and become too jovial. We’ll have a rare old time.